Digimon 02 DEAD END
by themostdarkestheart
Summary: And in the end, I would notice how much in common we all have... Mummymon, Arukenimon, BlackWarGreymon and me. For we have searched, been in darkness, and have found all the same end...
1. Prologue

**Digimon 02 - DEAD END**

**Prologue**

A smile stood out on his pale face when he felt how the life left him. He saw the horror on the face of Hiroki's son, who only looked at him with a sad face and it was the same expression which was also on the faces of the other children who were disturbed when they noticed what he intended to do...

Yukio knew that this world would help him to atone for his mistakes, although this world wasn't the one which he always dreamed of entering.

The wish which echoed in his heart didn't let him go at his last moments any more. What he wanted was to give back the beauty and gleam to the digital world again which it once already had and which he alone, Yukio Oikawa, had taken. He alone was responsible for the the damage that this his so loved world which he could only watch from afar until now, has taken such a severe damage. That he now would die here when the foreign world he was now in would grant him his last wish was trivial to him, because it would be a just atonement for what he had done.

His heart called, exclaimed just this wish constantly: "Let me cure the digital world that I have hurt so much and shall it be to the price of my life. But please, let me watch this wonderful world forever. I would like to stay in her. I would like to see her, I want to fulfill her with the strength of my heart ..., please let me cure this world ...please revive the Digimon which had to die only because I have made mistakes. Please forgive me, Arukenimon, Mummymon, ... for everything I have done to you. Datirimon, I am sorry that I must already go now and that we haven't met earlier ... Children, please forgive me that for this you had to fight and I have taught you the bitter taste of despair ... please forgive me for everything I have done to you even if I will be no longer here ... even if I perhaps haven't earned it ... so I can only hope that my heart has enough strength to fix what I have committed."


	2. Dream's End

Chapter 1: DREAM'S END

_"And we dreamed of a world that should only belong to us. A world in which we were free to do what we wanted, a world without any rules and limits, a world in which we had to fight shall we ever enter it. For me there were no doubts at all that one day we would see this world together. We would stride through a golden gate and land on the other side in the middle of wild, nice-smelling flowerfields and a horizon which extends far over us, untouched and unreached and we would be the first people to see it this way. _

_And then we would encounter the creatures which are call this world their home, the Digimon. _

_We didn't doubt its existence either. We believed with all our might in it, even though we have seen one of them before, we knew that, if we one day enter into our dear world, we would find them. _

_We promised each ither that we both would go into the digital world together. _

_Why did you have to die then, Hiroki? Who has taken you from me? The Destingy? Why did it had to be so cruel and take away the only friend from me that I ever had? Why all our dreams had to end this way even before they have begun? _

_Hiroki ... just where are you? Hiroki, please tell me if your soul isn't perhaps already there, in the world we always dreamt of. And if it is like that, please let me follow you - because we have promised each other that, no matter what we do, we do it all together. _

_My dreams and my life are unbearable without you and I am still here, still determined to find the way to the digital world. You may be dead but perhaps it makes you happy if I find a way there nevertheless. I will find a way and enter this world and then you will be with me and then it will be a common thing again, right? You would be with me and you would see what I see, and maybe you would smile at me from above."_

A lonesome man with very pale skin and dark short hair sat lonely and with tears on his cheeks in front of his computer screen. He didn't want to cry any more but since the death of his best friend he felt so empty and lonesome that he couldn't otherwise. Without any further friends and left back with the memories of the past he simply also couldn't let his dreams back from this time either.

When he heard the message about the death of his best friend Hiroki, his world crumbled to pieces. At first he didn't want to believe it when he rang at the front door and asked the father about the well-being of his friend and when this then told him that he is dead. Yukio had heard nothing more from his friend for days and started to worry when he didn't turn up for a meeting at their common meeting place when otherwiese he was always punctual.

But on the other hand it could have been that Hiroki simply had too much to do with his new small family, especially with his sweet son Iori. Yukio could have understood it if he hadn't any more time for his friend because it is not that easy to really care for a family in a proper way, but the fact that he simply didn't get in touch with him at all has started to annoy Yukio and so, in the end, and out of despair to get to know what has been going on with Hiroki recently, he adressed to the human who had always seen their friendship with very ciritical eyes - Hiroki's father, Chikara Hida.

When Yukio rang at the doo and it was opened, he realized that it was the father who has opened the door, but also that something was completely different. He noticed the expression of melancholy on the face of the man when he smiled at him sadly. Completely flabbergastedly of this sight, Yukio didn't know what to say. But he didn't really need to, because the man already spoke out what had been going on with Hiroki. "You certainly look for Hiroki and want to know what has happened to him, right? It.. is difficult for us all..." Yukio didn't know what to answer to that. Had something terrible happened? And what is with this terrible presentiment which these words triggered in him? "Come in, I don't like to tell it to you in front of our front door. You should you sit down at least, because it won't be easy for you."

Gently he put a hand on his shoulder and led the young man into the living room where he offered him a seat on a chair. But he was strangely wobbly on the legs and at long last he was somehow relieved when he found a firm stability on the seat. With a voice shaking a little he finally asked the older man: "What is wrong with Hiroki? Do you know why he hasn't got in touch with me at all within the last few days any more? I think it is already ok, if he has to do a lot in his profession or with his family, however..." But he didn't come further when Chikara interrupted him simply with only three words. "Hiroki is dead." His heart seemed to stop beating suddenly and unbelief spread in him while he saw how the father of his best friend looked at him sadly as if to underline his words. But Yukio still didn't want to believe it and anly took this as some kind of bad joke. Was that a new method of him to seperate the two only to make them stop dreaming of the digital world? If yes, then it was quite probably the most tasteless method which he had ever encountered.

"This cannot be!" Yukio shouted out, " this for sure is just a new idea of you to prevent me from getting in contact with your son again, right???" "I knew somehow that you might think that way, but.. ah, I wish it would be like that. I really wish it would be just like that..." And when the first tears appeared on the cheeks of the older man, Yukio knew he said the truth. "NO! No, stop to say something like this! Hiroki cannot be dead! He cannot! HE CANNOT!! We...we..." He felt how tears started to form in his own eyes when he realized that it was the truth, because no father would cry about his only son if nothing terrible had happened to him. "I know it is difficult for you..", the man only said, but Yukio only felt everything as if through a veil. The tear which filled his eyes made it impossible for him to see snaything. "How?", it escaped from his lips, and he got as an answer: "He died on a mission out of the country. By use of his own life he has kept another human life but unfortunately lost his own one... " Yukio heard these words as if dazed, these words which pierced into his heart and would never let him go again - and still it was unimagineable for him in the first moment to believe that now he would never see Hiroki ever again.

But before Chikara could say something Yukio already got up and ran away, tore up the room door then the front door and disappeared to the outside where the cold air received him. Chikrara still wanted to shout after him, make an offer to him, comfort him but he also understood his reaction to this message very well. The older man bowed his head morosely, on his lips a prayer, that Yukio may manage to cope with this stroke of fate somehow. Because he would need it.

_"The cool water of the rain streams down on me and the sky cries, cries with me because of your death. It is as gray as my own poor soul. I stride nearby these train tracks on the way which we have so often taken and go along the street. How often have we laughed here together, how often did we have talked about daily things but primarily about our dreams here? The beautiful pink cherry blossoms fell down on us in spring. They are gone now, faded away like your life. Our dreams have stiffened and I pause in them in the same stiffness incapable to move or get on. I don't know whether I want this. What I want is something impossible, what I want is to have you again so that I have a meaning in my life once more._

_Perhaps I am possessive to a certain extent. This is also perhaps what your father had suspected when he forbade us to think about the digital world further on because he thought of it as childishnesses._

_How shall I go on without you?"_

His violet black hair blew in the wind when he found hold finally and leant against a tree in a remote place in the park. He still had to cry when he thought of what he had lost. It had already been hard enough to hear about the death of his best friend of all things by Chikara Hida, the man who wanted to know the two always apart from each other only because he regarded Yukio as a bad influence on Hiroki.

His trembling hand enclosed the envelope made of paper -- an invitation for the burial of his best friend was inside of it.

And he didn't know whether he should really go there because this would mean that he had to accept the truth definitely, a truth which isn't possible to change now anyway. If he would go, then he knew he would have no more possibility for a flight and would have to face the truth.

Why did he still cry? How can it be that the other ones simply could live on while he simply couldn't do it? Was it due to his human weakness? Did the others have strength or a talent which he didn't have? From where only they had it? How could he attain it also?

Oh, what would he give for it to get rid of exactly this weakness ...

And but it was out of question for him that he didn't want to go to the burial. A furious determination got hold of him when he considered wanting to face this just to get rid of his weakness. And he owed it to Hiroki. How would it look, then, if he didn't go there? Hiroki probably would never forgive him for it. And he had to be there at least also for his family who certainly felt the same pain as he did. Iori would never get to know his father and his mother has lost a dear husband and partner, Chikara his son. Just this common loss should be able to bring them all together, right?

Something almost like optimism already affected him at these thoughts. He would do his best, his most possible.

But he didn't have considered that the direct sight of the death would break him forever ...

On the day of the burial he came just as he had planned in his best suit and came to the cemetery together with the other mourning guests. But, before, he also had had the chance of course, to see a lifeless body of Hirokin in his casket.

The room was otherwise empty, nobody apart from Yukio was there, Yukio and Hiroki. He slowly strode towards the casket with an almost curious look on his face.

He looked so peaceful as he lay there. As fresh as if he would be still alive, and still there was nothing more inside of him - Hiroki would never get up again.

The sight was surreal. Disappointment surged up in him when he saw his best friend so and he, Yukio, had to say goodbye here now, because this is why the casket with his friend stood here. But he simply couldn't. "Ah, Hiroki, they say that with a burial everything is past. That this is the last opportunity to say goodbye from each other. But simply I cannot. It doesn't work. Why did you have to die? I still wanted to show you something. No..", and he shook his head at these words, " I still will show it to you, Hiroki. Just wait until the next time I will visit you, okay? Then I will show you what I have achieved. No, what we both have achieved." Tears ran down on his pale cheeks and he trembled. Then his look fell down on the many photos and the candles in the near of the casket. On one of the photos Hiroki could be seen on the say on which he became a policeman. Yukio was staring at it furtively, only to remark that there was this photo repeatedly and it certainly wouldn't stand out if one of them was missing. He avariciously springed up after it and packed it into his long coat.

Actually his consciene forbade it for him to steal on the burial day, but he was so sure that it would be this picture which would help him to tolerate the things that happened a little better. The countenance of this man ... like it was on this photo, he wanted to remember it forever. But Yukio was also afraid that he could nevertheless forget how his best friend looked like and it was that what he needed to prevent at all costs.

It was this photo, stolen on this day which was the one which he later on would always have with him, until his own end.

The parish priest gave his speech used for such causes and Yukio could find Chikara and Hiroki's woman inder the mourning guests pretty easily. When he stepped towards them, they welcomed him and put their hands briefly on his, while they all watched how Hiroki was taken down under the earth in his casket.

And even though these both actually quite strange people were there with him when it happened, they couldn't do anything against the feeling of faint which now affected Yukio .

He noticed everything through a blur, as transparent as it was a nightmare of which he could awake at any given moment. But he couldn't as much as he wanted to. Because it was reality, his reality.

When the funeral was over, he stayed there in front of the grave of his best friend, still not believing that it all was real and that all was over.

"Hiroki... you are dead... just why are you dead? It is as if I was not buried, not you, but me. Not you, but our dreams. Just why have you died?"

And he wanted to yell, simply just yell. He wanted to know back what he had lost.

But he primarily didn't know how he wanted to get finished with the solitude.

Now he sat at his home, in front of a computer screen with tears in his eyes whenever he thought about that Hiroki died too early, way to early. If he only could have seen what Yukio had reached. Because just on the day on which he went out to learn that Hiroki died he wanted to tell him that something really unbelievable had happened. Yukio had the ultimate proof that the digital world really existed. That their common dream could be true - if he only were alive.

But Hiroki died and together with him their common dream.

All that was left for Yukio was to hold this dream alive and live on in the past.


	3. Born Undead

**CHAPTER 2: BORN UNDEAD**

_I don't know why my first creation has come out like this out of all things. My creature is dead and nevertheless somehow lives. When I look into its face, then I know that is has more in common with me than one would suspect at first glance. Because it mirrors how it looks like INSIDE OF ME. It is as undead as I am, just here because there is a small glimmer of hope, a task which it still hasn't fulfilled, and it is this task which doesn't grant it the eternal quiet it probably longs for so much. _

_It is already alarmingly to see how much it has from me, but then again, it is not that surprising either. This creature is a part of me. It wouldn't be here if I hadn't made it from my genes. I wouldn't go so far to say it would be my son; although it comes from my body and has its origin in me. _

_I call this creature Mummymon, the first prototype to have survived, even though he is everything but perfect. But I am happy, for now it is enough that he is alive, especially after all the other failures. _

_Hiroki, you should see him! He may perhaps be awkward a little, but ... oh, I know that he lives and it fulfills me with so much courage and hope. I finally won't be alone any longer..._

Yukio gazed fascinated onto the compter sceen directly in front of him and on the contours of the creaturewhich initialed on it. Fascinated because the creature which was on the sceen seems to be one of the creatures in whom he himself and Hiroki have believed so much in. A resident of the digital world, a Digimon. And he himself had created this Digimon...

For the first time a smile stood out on the otherwise tear-swollen face of the young man. "Hiroki ... Hiroki, he isn't perfect but he lives. Mummymon lives! Just like we have developed him! Ah..ah, if you just could see him..."

Yukio could see how this creature moved over the computer screen freely and seemed to look around almost curiously. After all the work that this human has done, he could really be proud of himself.

But when he thought about how many victims it has costed in the end, and how many efforts were lost in vain, he was even more happier that it apparently all worked out in the end.

But how long would Mummymon stay for him? Because some others of the first test series also have survived until their birth, but not the time afterwards, which indicated for Yukio that human-digital hybrids weren't anything but prior-ranking aim was to repair exactly this.

He, however, wondered again and again why he made these efforts at all.

Yukio only sighed when he looked at the digital creature on the screen and his look sank on the designs on paper. Mummymon ... why of all things a mummy? Now yes, Yukio thought, it was one of the Digimon that he had thought up together with Hiroki back then. But only on paper, as a simple drawing, as some kind of joke for in between, and still Yukio has kept all the drawing from back then up to today as carefully as possible. After the death of his best friend they have become even more a well hidden treasure to him. And because he couldn't take the solitude forever, he one day had the idea to make one of the digital creatures in which they so much believed in into reality.

But where should he have started?

It was a whole lot of work to create independent Digimon if one doesn't know how they are or actually shall be in reality. If Mummymon really was independant is something yet to prove as well if he doesn't dissolve into nothingness just like the other ones or whether he is really one of the digital creatures called Digimon and not simply a virtual pet of some sort.

He read through the sheet of paper.

"Mummymon, Level: Perfect, type: Virus. Contains data of undead Digimon, mixed with DNA sequences 10.65439, 3.53619, 7.36128 as well as 9.2715"

So, it was data of undead Digimon. Right, he thought, it would be better to use the data of this type first, because he figured that undead Digimon might survive this process more easily than their predecessors.

Yukio looked at the computer screen once more, lost in thought to a memory which had got him to sit down here and work on an old and abandoned plan again.

He remembered his old times with Hiroki with a smile on his face, the times when Hiroki still lived.

_"I still know how often we had met at that time to speculate about our dearest digital world and discuss how it must be there and how it would be to actually be there. Not only that, we were more than happy about when we had finally acquired both the means and the knowledge to disuss it even better. I still remember the day on which you really bought yourself a computer, and when you helped me to get my very own just so that we both could sit down and have a good look at the programming language. We wanted to study about this as much as only possible so that we perhaps could even one day open a gate into the other world for us! Oh yes, when I think about it today, how much fun we had and when I think about all the evenings which we spent to refine out theories and make them reality... What is left of that is primarily one picture: How you look at me with a huge grin, and how you raise your hand with an extended thumb. You knock at mya shoulder in an appreciating way, before we both fall into a fit of laughter which doesn't want to stop. At least I thought that such a merry laughter cannot die, that it even can surpass the death... How wrong it was from me... because it has ceased and only echos as an acho in my memories now." _

******

_I don't know where I am and who I am. Around me is only emptiness apart from a small window directly in front of me which allows me a look into a completely different this I can see another person in a dark room which seems to sleep. His violet hair has fallen into the face and I see like his thorax quietly lifts and sinks. _

_My creator seems to sleep._

_I use the moment to think but I notice quickly that it doesn't have meaning and that there is too much I don't understand yet. A meaning. This is what I still lack. It is a question which only my creator can answer me. _

_I look on down my body and remark how it is wrapped up into something to which I cannot find any name. Cloth shreds? Yes, cloth shreds hang down on my body. I raise my hand, only to notice that I have black claws instead of fingers and when I look down on my body, I notice the silver leg tracks which shall support me. I even have three long black claws at each of my feet. _

_I slowly notice how my look becomes dull and that my field of vision seems to be restricted. _

_I also have black ribbons on my body, fixed on with silver buckles. A violet cap is on my head. When I remove it, I notice that it is tied into a slope at the end and that two long violet ribbons hang down._

_Why am I here? How do I know what I know? Why was I born, why do I look like how I look like? _

_Only you can tell me all this, creator. _

_I would like to come to pay you a visit._

_Because there are so many things which I only can learn from you and the contact to you._

When Yukio was woken up by his thoughts, he noticed that he had dropped off well. He started, only to see that his computer was still switched on although he thought that he has shut it down already a long time ago. But when he looked up with his black dull eyes, he noticed something unusual. The screen shone as brightly as never. He glanced at it frightened to check if something has happened to his creation, but he only found emptiness.

His eyes narrowed; not only because of the bright light but also out of fear which clasped his heart now. Where had Mummymon gone? Had his data also dissolved like the ones of all of his predecessors?

No, this couldn't be. Had all the work been really for nothing? But how could it be that the creature made out of the data of undead Digimon has lasted the shortest amount of time? Were his theories wrong?

"Are you looking for anybody?"

When Yukio heard these words his heart almost stopped. Somebody was in the room with him, even though he mostly was alone and didn't share this appartment with anybody. He couldn't to it either since the death of his best friend.

"Who is there?", Yukio shouted with fright when he turned around, only to see a creature standing there. Blind fear reached for his heart when he noticed that it was Mummymon who stood in the shadows. Only the bright light of the computer screen gave him enough light to see the contours of the monsters which so suddenly had appeared in the room. The shadows which came out of Mummymon were almost as impressive at the creature itself.

"I have asked you whether you are looking for somebody", the creature repeated in a clumsy, however gentle and almost shy voice. Yukio couldn't find any answer, could do nothing unless stare at the creature.

He finally produced a couple of few words anyway.

"How can this be? You are ... digital, how can you then stand here in this room??"

The creature said nothing but only bowed his head, astonishment could be recognized in his face. "I-I...don't k-know...", it stuttered in his awkward, clumsy way.

So this is how you turn crazy, Yukio thought. Suddenly he knew that npthing would happen to him and that this creature whatever it was, wouldn't hurt him, because it on one side seemed so innocent and because on the other one seemed too gentle and good-natured. On the other hand the pale man was more than sure that it was just a sloping hallucination, called to come out because of the constant and hard work on his project, for which he even took of a few days of work.

Now he knew that one shouldn't make any jokes about exhaustion. As soon as this sloping hallucination had disappeared, he swore himself, he would lie down at first and sleep through correclty..

He had, however, to find Mummymon again first.

"Please, don't disturb me", Yukio said to the creature when he turned around and showed him his shoulder, "I am looking out for Mummymon. He just disappeared and I don't know to where. Oh God, I hope that nothing bad happened to him."

The mummy-like creature looked at him taken aback, before there was a gurgling noise of itself.

"But I am here, you don't have to search for me on the screen when I am standing in front of you already." All of a sudden Yukio stopped, turned round to the mummy jerkily, got up of his chair and in a direct confrontation touched this creature he at his thorax.

Really. Mummymon was alive and out of flesh and blood! It wasn't illusion. The pale man couldn't believe it and to still understand it somehow anyway, he touched Mummymon here and there and even took the bandages curiously into his hand, which hang from the creature on this or that spot.

Mummymon silently waited until the whole procedure was over, with a curious look on his face, at least as curiously as it worked just with only one eye.

Yukio finally looked him into the only eye and the contours of his face when Mummymon only gave him a smile and showed his pointed teeth.

And when he finally had made his way to the observation, fear really seized his intellect now, seemed to paralyze him and to make him into a wild animal.

"Go away!!!", Yukio yelled out when he fell and landed on his butt. Mummymon leant forwards, ready to give his creator a hand and to draw him on the legs again but this one retreated only still further from him. The creature who didn't know what the matter was now only looked at his master in an uncertain way. "Let me help you!", he only said but Yukio waved his hands around wildly. "Leave me alone! Get lost! I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO DO ANYTHING WITH A MONSTER LIKE YOU!!!"

And the creature stopped ,almost rigid with the sight which happened in front of him.

"But ... I ... I am a monster??", it only asked silently when slowly dropping his raised arm, and it also lowered his head.

"Yes, you are! Just look at you, you are ugly!

Yukio's words only made the creature stiffen and he noticed the funny noises which started out from him. His bandaged body twitched when it suddenly made a wailing noise which tugged at Yukio's heart as soon as he only heard it. Did this creature cry now? Had he hurt his feelings?

Oh, just what had he done? He didn't want to injure or make this creature so uncertain, but he himself hadn't known how to react now when he found out that this Digimon was real and no illusion. Actually, Yukio had to admit to himself, a dream had came true even if in a way which he had never considered as possible before.

Mummymon turned around, and tried to run away, tore up the door and disappeared through it into the corridor. Yukio stood up as fast as he could to run after him and stop him. If Mummymon was really genuine, he had to prevent that it ran, hurt itself or was seen by others on the street.

But he didn't came far when Mummymon fell down as clumsily as he moved. Yukio came just on time to catch him even if he was aching because Mummymon was rather heavy.

And when both lay on the ground, looked at themselves and Yukio's look fell at the tear-swollen face of the mummy it got clear to him that this creature, this Digimon, had really much in common with him. Because Yukio had called him unconsciously just the same as he was always used to be called by the others in school. He also found himself ugly. And he had often cried over all this injustice just like now Mummymon did, too. Yes, alone his kind kind reminded him of himself, just like he had been in the past and before the death of his best friend.

But everything was different now. His friend was dead, but their dream lived again, lived in the form of an undead creature named Mummymon.

It would last some time to get used to the new situation, but it would last even longer until realizing that even Mumymmon would be unable to cure the wounds of his heart.


	4. The First Days of My Life

**CHAPTER 3: THE FIRST DAYS OF MY LIFE**

I wasn't too long in the world, and therefore there was much which I didn't understand but wanted to understand yet. I seem to be different than so many of the creatures which populate this world. My creator has at least this told me.

I also look different. My boss is a dainty and fragile man with a sad face, long black hair and a pale, almost white skin. Whatever he wants to do with his life, I do not know, but it seems to be empty and sad, just like mine. I wonder why I am on this world, why I have this emptiness in my heart, if my creator feels the same and if there is something that might let us escape these feelings.

It is also horrifying to be alone with only my creator. Sometimes he is very unfriendly to me, says I am a monster, I, however, think he is also right with that.

I remember the questions which had formed in my head on the first day of my life, remember how I all of a sudden appeared in front of my creator and also his first reaction to me - his curiousity, his sudden fear.

Perhaps it would have been good for him to go outside and feel the sunshine on his skin. If my look falls at the window and on the look to outside, I wonder myself how sunbeams may feel. I never was in this so-called sunlight outside yet. Do the beams tickle on the skin? Would I feel something at all through all my bandages? What is wind? How does it feel?

My creator hasn't permitted me to go outside because he thinks that it would be too dangerous for me in a world into which I do not belong. Especially if I do not know a thing about this world. Perhaps, he has said, I will be able to go out at least once soon but I can wait no more. I long so much that I think almost have t die.

I look back into the empty and plain apartment, in which I and my creator live. We only have the necessary things to live, some cupboards, in which we store something, a computer, the place out of which I was born. We have a sink unit, also cupboards and a refrigerator in the kitchen in which we keep our meals.

Juts now, my boss isn't here, he has told me that he must go on a so-called "work" to earn "money". I didn't know what this "work" is and all the less I knew what "money" should be. Everything that the boss wanted to tell me about it was that without this money we wouldn't have anything to eat, so it must be pretty important.

My boss was very tired lately, what doesn't astonish me however if he has sat in front of the computer for the entire night and then must wake up in the morning so early to be punctual at his "work".

I hear a clicking at the door to our apartment and when it opens, my look also goes to the door. I see the boss coming in with a tired look on his face and a sigh on the lips. He trudges in, hangs the jacket on the hook in the entrance area sees that I see him and he already asks me muffledly: "How are you, Mummymon?"

He seems today to be in a better mood somehow, I immediately notice this.

"E-eh, I am fine", I stammered, knowing well that it was just this stammering which can make him angry. This was all the more a reason for me to at least try for me to put it down and to stop this habit.

I didn't know what I still should say but my boss already stretched his arms tiredly into the air and shuffled into the kitchen while I was following him. "I hope you have done something to eat, Mummymon." "N-no, I don't even know how to cook..." "Right, I have exactly thought about this today. In your current state you are no help to me at all. Not only that you are a Digimon which makes it impossible for you to go and be under people which leads to your incapability to carry out purchases or orders for me but you even cannot do the things which are needed to survive and live. You are, at the moment, briefly said, useless to me." Although he said this to me in a virtually neutral tone, I cannot differently but to feel once more injured when I hear these words. Why only does he do something like that to me all the time? So I am useless for him, why then has he created me??

I inevitably feel the tears rise into my eye and threaten to run down my cheeks. He of course notices this, casts an evil, already almost nauseated look at me and then says to me in a harsh tone: "Stop wailing! I will already teach you everything more or less. I cannot expect of you to be able to do everything immediately, especially if you are the first Digimon I have ever created and if you are not long enough on this world already. So I don't have much time to teach you all things myself, though ... I have to figure out a way to teach you another way..."

I see how my boss gets thoughtful when he takes the ready-to-serve meal and slides it into the microwave - two bags, also one for me, I know that. I get somehow warm around the heart because this makes clear to me that he nevertheless is, even if he is also cold, somehow glad to be accompanied by me even if I am useless. All the more I want to be liked by him, prove to him that also I can do something special and he doesn't need to be disappointed by me.

He waits stationarily for some minutes in front of the microwave while he is indicating to me that I can sit down, so I watch him sedentarily. I look at his contours and his serious face which is still lost in thought. Does he think about how to teach me things or about how I can make myself useful for him?

I finally hear one "ping!" and see how he fetches the meal from the microwave and puts it on two plates. He comes to the table at which I sit and puts down a fork for me then he pushes the plate over to me and starts to eat himself without saying a word.

I also eat, quietly, wondering what a meal actually is. It tastes good, even though if I have never costed this taste in my life before. Ah, how could I have done this, if I am so fresh on this world?

I still want to know so much but don't dare to ask.

But it is then of all things my boss who asks me some questions.

"Mummymon ... I know that you are here now therefore it must mean that it is indeed possible to go from one world into another. That means in other words that it must be possible to go into the digital world if one manages to materialize over there just like you have done here." "Eeeeh.., I think so.." "That means that it is good that you are here, because it proves my theories." My boss nods quietly with his head and my look falls on working clothes which he still has on. I finally notice the pervading look which he throws at me. He first seems furious, but then it gives way to a smile slowly, he almost then begins to laugh loudly. And I don't know why. Is it because I seem ridiculous? Or because my creator just has a good idea now?

"You will get useful for me, Mummymon, very soon. You know I have just wondered I don't know much about your abilities and your true potential yet. I should go and first check through what really is in you. Who knows, perhaps you have a special ability I can be still be proud of as your creator. At all events I have wondered that I will teach you cooking and also how to clean and take care of a household, but I can only give you short explanations, because as you know I have so much to do at nights." "Y-yes, boss." "And therefore you have to memorize my explanations as best as possible. Do you believe you are capable of it?" "Y-yes boss."

I say "yes" although I don't know whether I myself can get finished with that or not. I doubted that I can remember everything after just one time, but I feel something like... optimism, a burning pleasure of learning something new and to make my boss proud of me. I am full of enthusiasm and I believe this could also be seen on me, because when he finished, he stands up and knocks on my shoulder briefly. "You will already do this somehow. I trust you, Mummymon. If you have finished eating, I would like you to put the plate into the sink and to accompany me to the room. There where the computer stands. I in the meantime prepare for the upcoming projects. You don't have to wach the plates by yourself now, I will do that myself later on and then show you how to do that yourself." "Good, boss."

_I look after him when he goes out of the room and take the time to get my excitement under control. Because I don't know why but all this... this life, which I have led only for a few days is still so unknwon to me that I feel a dull fear of this life. What am I really worth? What does the meaning of my existence lie in? How near can I really get close to you without breaking you? Because you seem so distant of me even if I have come here only through you. I would like to be nearer to you but I am afraid of it myself. You exert a power on me which I cannot escape, perhaps I could if I were more experienced to do it but I need the time and your support for it myself, and without your assistance what would I be able to learn? Without your assistance I wouldn't even be here._

_And this power which you have over me... you could destroy me just as easily as you have created me and it is this which I am secretly afraid of._

_What I really wish... what I really want... would be for us to open our hearts. That we, free from every limit, could tell each other what depresses us. Because Iknow and feel that it is the same emptiness which fulfills both of our hearts. For myself I don't know what this emptiness means, but I suspect that it is perhaps inexperience. Perhaps I would feel "fuller", if I could step outside and feel the wind in the daylight ..._

_I would like to be able to talk you and ask you what is this and that without having to be afraid to be punished for it, with words or physically._

I do it just as my boss had told me to do and then come into the work room of my boss. I knock at the door to not frighten him and to let him know that it is me who is standing in front of the door and shortly after I have knocked, I step inside. I see my boss with his face turned to the computer screen and how he reads through some sheets of paper which lie extended on the floor in front of him. He mumbles incomprehensible words for me ahead of himself and seems deeply concentrated therefore I behave quietly and lower my look when I also notice papers in the darkness on the ground. I bend down myself and collect them, collect them into a stack and want to put them neat and tidy on a table in my proximity when my look falls at the notes. I see single letters but they immediately make words and sentences together in my head. I don't understand where I can know from what these signs on the sheets have to mean. As so many things I don't understand why I can some things, while of others I do not know a thing. I shake my head and look at the letters again.

"Data sets for a possible second project ..." it only escapes my lips and I already feel a small breath of wind when my boss suddenly drives around. He only shouts "What do you do there? Leave the sheets alone, do not touch them once again!!" I don't immediately react but only ask back: "What is this, then, boss? What is a project? And what this is on the picture?" He simply looks at me with this astonished look which follows his anger and looks at the sheet which I hold up to show him what I mean.

He gets up, looks at it briefly before he says: "This is a drawing. Of a spider." "A Spider?" "Yes." "And what do the edge notes mean? Level Perfect, what does that mean?" "That is the level you are on. You are a Digimon on the Perfect Level. But.." and his look got even more astonished, "if you understand what it written on it, then it means that you can read!" "Read?" "You understand it when you see these signs, these letters, right?" "Y-yes, but I do not understand all words which are formed out of these letters." "Hm, understandable. But no worries, you will learn that too with time." "And what is on all these papers anyway? What are you working on boss?" "Hmpf, you will see soon enough. Put the paper sheets on the table and then I can explain you some more things." "Can I look at the sheet with the spider once again before I do that?" "What? Yes, yes, just do that." And with that he turns away, towards the computer screen again.

I do what he says and take the uppermost of the sheets into my hands again to look at it in the poor light of the room. So this is a spider. I don't know why, but I feel much more comfortable with looking at this drawing, it gives me a little more support in my inner uncertainty. And later on, I would sneak in into this room of my boss, and open up the topmost of the cupboard while he is still on work - everything just to see this picture which gives me to much hold and strenght, because it radiates a strength which I myself still lack so much in my life.

But I put the picture back for now and consult the boss.

"Boss, I would like to know one thing though.." "Yes, Mummymon?", he asks without turning his look, but I know that he listens and for that I feel thankful. "I want to know whether you can answer me whenever I have a question or when I do not know a thing. I cannot learn anything new, if I don't get any explanation." He turns his head to smile at me after he looked surprised for a brief moment. "Of course, Mummymon. You are right, I have to explain alot more to you than I have done before. But you also have to understand that I am really busy and also still not used to not living alone any more. I will make sure to initiate you into what I do exactly in the near future. No, I even have to, because you are an important part of it: You are the first real success of my work. You know, before you, dozens of Digimon have died which I wanted to create, you have survived as the only one. This already makes you to be something special and useful. I must only investigate now how Digimon manage to materialize in the real world and already I would be a step closer at finding out how it would be possible for humans to travel into the digital world the other way around." He draws a gasping breath before I see an already alive flashing in his eyes when he suddenly grabs my arm. "Mummymon! Why have I never asked you that before?? As a Digimon, you for sure must have been in the digital world before!!! How is it there??" "I-i..."

I don't know what I shall say because I don't want to disappoint him but I have no idea about what kind of world he talks there. Digital world ... or this world. I only know that both are expressions for two different things of which I know neither the one nor the different one. I want to tell nothing wrong therefore I tell him the truth: "I don't know what it is like in the Digital world if I have never been there before." "B-but... you are a Digimon, then you must have been there!!" "No, the only thing that I can remember is the white room in which I was born. Maybe this is the digitial world, but I cannot say that with certainty, boss." "G-good.." His face collapses and his disappointment breaks my heart. I feel bad and sick because I can't be a help to you and have disappointed you with my uselessness once again. I almost want to cry again but then you see my look and shake the head. "Spare well. You are a Digimon, so I will be able to enter the Digital world through you, I am sure there. You will enter the Digital world for me and Mummymon ... you then will be able tell stories for certain for me, of how it is there. Promise that to me." "Yes, boss" "I thank you. And now don't worry too much. I am just working on some additional calcultations. I have thought that thanks to some special kinds of updates, I might be able to teach you certain things a little bit faster without me having to explain you every single thing that you need to know for life. Furthermore it has occurred to me that you perhaps should be able to learn the ability to take a human shape because you consist of my genes. If this is the case, then I will be able to permit you to go outside whenever you want. Naturally only as long as you don't exaggerate that."

I immediately can't take hold of my luck and hug him. "Oh boss, that would really be awesome!!" "Yes, yes, I know, and now you can let me off again NOW so that I can work on it!" "Good, boss." "And stay here, I need to scan in your data once more and go it through. I also can answer some of your questions while I am working if you still have any on your mind. If you want me to that is." "Oh, thank you so much, boss!"

And so the first days of my life pass. If I had known that these were the far happier days in my life, perhaps I then I would have asked you things which would have been of more significance for me later on. I would have asked you what love is. I would have asked you why this picture of this spider didn't want to disappear from my head.

But I also would have asked you why I couldn't help you to overcome your disappointment. Why I was not able to make you really happy because this seems to be my purpose to which I had been created.

These were the days on which you were still friendly minded to me. On which the darkness of your heart hasn't shown to me yet.


	5. Hole in my always bleeding Heart

**Chapter 4: Hole in my always bleeding Heart**

"I remember how I heard this voice deep inside of my being for the first time and in the moment in which I became aware of it, I knew it was the voice of my heart which wanted to show me the way. I find it astonishing that there still is a voice in me at all because I thought that the emptiness in me could be filled by nothing live. Perhaps this could only be a symptom for me becoming insane and that I should better go into treatment... but for what? If there is nothing more for what shall I make further?

I still know how I tried to kill myself, directly after work, directly after the end of the work in the office. I had selected formal clothes for the day because if I should go to die then I wanted to do this also in the best possible way ... perhaps to also give a pleasure to you with that, Hiroki.

I wanted to step opposite you. I had already imagined it so exactly in my mind. There only you have been there, in this empty big room. Everything was brightly lit, but I didn't care if it was hell or heaven or if such a place even existed at all. I didn't know since your death if I should believe in a God, because then he wouldn't just have torn away a human who has comitted nothing bad from his this had happened to me, someone who does not have anything, it would have been more fair. Why did it happen to someone who never had done something bad? Why a good-hearted person, somebody who could turn towards others himself?

Someone who wanted to help humans, humans like me, who had nothing else in this world?

Or have you died because you have shaken hands with me? Is it my fault that you are no more? Have I torn you into death because there is something evil within me?

There is no God because he wouldn't have let you die ...thereforee I wasn't afraid of either Heaven or Hell because everything that counted fort me was you. You, I only wanted to be with you.

These were my thoughts when I drove to the port by cab.

With a bouquet of flowers in my hands which I wanted to take along into death. Even though I knew that material objects remain in the Here and Now.

The cab left me and I took the last steps towards the dark water. It roared quietly below my feet. Even if it was hard to recognize that it was water because it was just as dark as the sky above me. Black as the night; only every now and then one could recognize a glittering in the dark water, like a last glimmer of hope. A glimmer that was no longer there in my heart.

I had my farewell to the world on the lips and an excuse that I cannot keep my promise to you. Even though I wondered if it would make you angry I still was sure that you would understand eventually once I was there with you. Who knows, maybe the Digital World was an illusion all along? Just like life is an illusion, because see, it can be taken so easily.

And just when I started to doubt, the sky seemed to open up above me and revealed a sight to me that I thought I would never get to see in my entire life.

Stripes seemed to cover the sky and when I looked more exactly, I could recognize details: Mountains, valleys, woods, rivers and seas.

I didn't need any more to know that this was the Digital World. That this was the world to which we both wanted to go.

Almost as if the world wanted to prove to me that there still is something that is worthwhile to live for and that it is not too late for my life. As if the decision to follow you into death would be wrong. And it happened all in the one moment that I had chosen to be my last one.

Speechless I looked into the sky above me and felt a knot forming in my throat. I wanted to cry, couldn't stop my tears any more. It became difficult to see anything, so I wiped the tears away with the back of my hand and gripped into the pocket inside my jacket. Looking for the photo of you, found it and held on to it tightly as if it was the only thing giving me any hold at all. I trembled like aspen leaves of this sight because it was majestic and overwhelming. It was as if a dream had come true at the moment and not some dream but the dream of my life. The one which still gave me a meaning.

But I twitched back when I noticed that it wasn't the complete fulfillment of the dream yet. I stood in front of it, in fron of the threshold into another world but could not cross over into this world. I wished I could fly. Would it be possible to just fall into this world if you only touched the hem of the sky? How much I wished I has wings...

And because it was as if you give a dying person the thing he most wishes for but will never have... like for example a second chance... because it was like this I couldn't stop crying. I cried out your name as if you would stand right next to me. "Hiroki! Oh Hiroki, look at that! This is the Digital World! The world into which we both wanted to go, directly above us in the sky... oh Hiroki... if you still were here... maybe we could get there now. Hiroki, why did you have to die before we had the chance to do so?"

When I noticed that I could not shade this moment with you I fell on my weak knees which could carry my burden no more. I couldn't hold my tears back any more. Continually they fell on my cheeks, made it wet.

It broke me so much, to see that there really was this world and that you were gone and would never see her. Although ... perhaps you have been able to see it. Since this world revealed itself to me in the sky and humans assume their departed loved ones also reside there... then you have been as close and at the same time as far away from that world as I was. Maybe you also had to suffer as much from the sight as me.

But this didn't soothe the pain which I felt at the moment.

My heart wanted to shatter and stop beating.

Around me a fog formed,a cheerless veil preventing my look.

There really was a fog.

And then when the sight couldn't get any more surreal, my heart stopped for a moment.

Because in a quite wide distance bright colours of the rainbow that climbed into the sky appeared.

One could have thought of it to be just a simple rainbow if it wouldn't have climbed into the sky straight up like a large pillar.

And then I saw them. Children. Children in the light. They flew to the heavens directly to her aim. They flew into the Digital World that I too wanted to enter. I wanted to fly. Why could they do what was refused to me? What gave them the power, what carried them away from the ground and pulled them upwards?

My envy almost immediately flared up in my chest.

Why them? Why not I? Why ... ? Because there really is something evil within me? Or do I have a weakness that I must get rid of before I am able to enter the Digital World?

My dream was lived by others and I haven't noticed it all the time ... it was others which could enjoy for what I would give my whole life. Did they appreciate this? Did these children know how precious it was what they could do there? How precious the possibility was that was given to them?

I wanted to follow them.

I yelled.

I opened my mouth and cried for them imploringly, well knowing that they couldn't hear me from this distance but I was not caring at the moment. Everything that I wanted was to follow them. This thought mastered me so that I suppressed all other feelings. I wanted nothing else more. Only into the Digital World. I would be also ready to give everything for it. Really everything.

If the devil would come and ask my soul for himself in the exchange for it ... I am afraid I would condescend to agree to it completely no matter what Hiroki would have said to this. He probably would hold me back but he was no longer here. And why should somebody like me be protected still?

And just then I heard it for the first time.

The voice of my heart.

It sounded rough, rough and inaccessible, unattainable, strong, full will and seductive. And it asked me a question.

"Do you want to go into the Digital World?"

I immediately yelled, "Yes! I absolutely want to go into the Digital World !"

The voice of my heart then asked this question. The question that only a devil can ask.

"If You would be ready to banish your conscience from your heart, then I will help you to come into the Digital World... would you agree to this?" "YES!", I answered without a doubt, "I would do everything for that!" A short silence followed after that before the voice answered me again while I waited in tension.

"So shall it be", was the short pithy answer.

And then something went into me. Like energy. I felt better, more alive. More determined to travel into the Digital World and to really make it this time.

Since this day I have heard the voice of my heart. She conducts me on all my ways.

What it really is, I don't know, but I do know that it gave me the strenght that I lacked for such a long time.

But one has to wonder why it wanted me to lose my conscience.

Maybe it was the devil after all. But even if, it doesn't concern me. Everything that counts is the Digital World. How I get there is irrelevant in the end.

I look up of my notes when I hear how Mummymon comes in to the room. Sometimes I simply don't know what I shall begin with him. He is the first Digimon, which I have created and it has made me happy when I have seen him at that time. But now I begin to consciously realize that he has hardly any use to me.

No, I only think like this from time to time. Maybe because of the voice within me.

One would usually say that voices in the head wouldn't be a good sign and they would be right.

But I don't want the voice in my head to just vanish if it gives me so much strenght. It takes away the weakness for which I hate myself, it gives me the power to continue on even if I cannot prevent that I collapse from exhaustion after the long and sleepless nights. At work I can just barely last and everything that my thoughts circulate about are the projects I work on in the evenings.

My look falls on the mummy like shape in my room.

"Boss, can I do anything to help you?", he asks clumsily. My look almost immediately darkens because I don't like if one disturbs unasked, on the other hand I should already have gotten used to the fact that I no longer live entirely alone but that I have a Digimon by my side now. A live, genuine Digimon. If Hiroki had been here, then I could have shown it to him and we both would have been happy about this.

The thought on Hiroki came inevitably. It is like a curse: Even the smallest things remind me of him, of us, of that time. I cannot forget him. I cannot forget our dream. Alone for him, I live even if he is already dead for a long time.

Why wasn't I able to follow him into death on that day at the port?

But before I could further stray in thought, I already feel a hand on my shoulder.

"Boss, is there anything I can do for you?" Jerkily I turn around and escape from his handle. I simply cannot keep my voice quiet but this isn't further surprising either if I simply want to be left alone. Why do Digimon apparently have not the slightest sense of tact?

"Mummymon, just leave me alone and get away from here!", I yell at him before I lower my voice to not make him worry more or to make him nervous, but it was already too late for that. It is really easy to make him worry or become nervous. He retreats with a shocked face and I feel anger arise in me, but then it also turns into... Sympathy. Sympathy of this, because he is so weak. And then I feel ... Attachment. Because he is just as I was in the past. That has been clear to me ever since I encountered him in my room for the first time.

And I nevertheless hate it if he shows me this weakness so openly. It is as if the past would catch up with me against my will. Mummymon shows me a side which I want to see no more. A side which the voice of my heart does not want to see either.

Sometimes it whispers to me, softly and quiet, telling me exactly what to do next to come closer to my ain. And in some momenty I hear the voice becoming louder than usual, completely near me, like almost at my ear. And on some days far away from me, like in the breath of the wind or in a far away roar.

However, I want to like Mummymon and respect him, but .. it is difficult for me. So infinitely difficult. I know that I never have been a person who can build up a relationship with other people - how else it is explainable that Hiroki was the only one I ever knew as a friend? Is it so surprising if I cannot let anybody near me since his death? Why should I love if it only brings pain?

Why should I love when I only lose what is dear to me?

And despite that I still love this creature that lives with me even if I oftentimes cannot show it because the work on my project is sometimes so important that I neglect him. Sometimes I have a guilty conscience, because ... yes, he is the only one I have now, the living proof that the dead dream of me and Hiroki is not entirely dead. It holds itself alive just like Mummymon does.

Mummymon is the perfect example of our dream.

I must take care of him. I must worry about him. He is for what we have always longed.

No, not quite because we wanted to see the Digimon actually in their natural habitat. The Digimon of the Digital World, like they rush through the grass of their world.

Mummymon is so different in this regard. He doesn't know any meadows, he knows no wind, no weather but only this apartment. He knows nothing about the world I long so much for. The Digital World into which I want to go and consequently he doesn't know either what I must do to enter there.

He is useless.

I shake the head. No, he isn't. This voice in me shall stop telling me something like that. He isn't completely useless. And he has an existence right. If he would have none which one would be mine then? Which reason do I have to be still alive? If I didn't have Mummymon, or my dream, then would have nothing at all.

We only have each other in this isolated cold world.

I should do my best to be more positive about him a little.

Hadn't I promised him to teach him everything important? Explaining everything he wanted to know?

Perhaps it also would be good for him if I would at least go with him onto the meadow sometime. To outside.

He is pure and free of all sorrow. He doesn't know pain, not yet.

"I am sorry, Mummymon", I hear myself whisper in such a gentle tone as if I were at the graveyard whenever I visit Hiroki there. The mummy-Digimon looks at me confused when I extend my hand to him, swallowing heavily and looking like he wants to say something but is afraid of doing so. Even though Digimon probably are much stronger than humans, he is the one who fears me.

It feels good to have power over somebody.

I flinch from this thought. Why does it feel good to know that I am the one he would obey?

Mummymon noticed my shocked look, because he immediately asks me: "Boss, is something the matter?" "No, it's nothing... I... I am only a bit overworked, that's all." "Boss, you work too much. You also have to rest or you will become insane from all this work." Inwardly, I giggle at that. Insane. Yes, yes, he seems to have a point. Maybe one indeed can become insane from too much work.

I put my hand on the forehead and moan, and Mummymon asks me whether he shall get me a headache tablet or not. I affirm this and ask him to not fetch the wrong ones from the kitchen. It's not like I had anything dangerous in my medication kit, but with his daftness, it's better to be careful.

He is nevertheless so kind to me. Like no one else it to me. In the same way as Hiroki was. Because only he was asking me if everyhting is alright with me. Mummymon does this in his place now.

Yes, the devil is in the detail. So much which reminds me of him.

My look falls on the chest of drawers when I wait that Mummymon comes again. I look at a picture-frame turned over. Why it is turned over? So that I am not confronted with that, what it shows. I don't have to look at it either if this picture is still so alive in my heart and in front of my inner eye.

"Is this the right one", the Digimon asks after coming back from the kitchen. He holds out a glass of water for me too, and between his fingers the requested tablets. "Let me check. Yes, these are the right ones. Thanks for fetching these for me." A smile forms on his face as he notices that he was done something good for me and somehow I also feel warmth when I see his face like that. He is glad. How can he be happy about such a simple thing? I wonder at the same time what kind of warmth this is in me.

I feel for the first time as if what stands opposite of me is not only a Digimon but also my son. Not only my own creation but also my own flesh and blood. Right, if one looks at it like that, and he is made from my DNA, then it really means that I am his father.

Rats! What an agreed nonsense! How shall a man be the father of a Digimon?

I take the tablet and the glass away from him before my thoughts become further independant ,swallow them and drink the water afterwards. I feel the look of Mummymon rest on me, with a question on his lips, that I could clearly see. I look at him, drink the rest of the water and put the glass down bevor I ask him with a quiet voice: "What do you want to know Mummymon? Just ask, I have after all promised you to answer all your questions." "I...erm..I only wanted to know what this tabelt is there for. Why have you swallowed it?" "Does one not see this? I took it so that my headache stops. You know, it has certain active agents inside which shall cause this and the pains then hopefully stops." "Hopefully?" "Yes, hopefully. No one can say for sure they will because these are unity sizes which don't match on every man perfectly. A man would usually need medicine which is cut to size specifically, which takes into consideration his physiological needs but ..."

Briefly, I stop speaking when I notice his confused face.

Sure, I should have known that he wouldn't understand, but how would he anyway? He has never learned this and does not understand anything of that which seems so simple to me.

"No, you don't understand that, right?", I ask him and he nods coyly. "This doesn't matter, Mummymon. You cannot learn everything and no-one can claim of himself to know everything in the world. Life is complicated enough as it is." "Y-yes." I sit down on a chair and Mummymon sits down opposite me and we are silent some for a while. I don't know what I shall talk with him about and my thoughts stray from the things which are not taken care of yet but must be. What concerns Mummymon I wanted to teach him certain things through updates. In addition, I have noticed a great anomaly recently at the walk-through of his data which I cannot explain to me and I hope that I can clear this soon. This said anomaly hopefully doesn't indicate something disastrous. If one considers what happened to the numerous predecessors of Mummymon, this could very well be possible. I can only hope that he doesn't dissolve into thin air soon.

"Mummymon." "Yes?" "I want to ask you to come with me again. I have noticed something during your last examination. Something isn't correct with you. Your molecular structure is confusing in some places and I would like to find out why and which consquences could arise from that." "I-is it something dangerous?", he asks with a disastrous face and I shake my head to not worry him more even though I know that it could indeed mean something bad.

"Shall I wait until you call me again?" "It would be better. I do not like it when you enter my room without my permission and you know that, Mummymon." "Yes." I remark how his face twists funny and he looks at me with a guilty face briefly as if he has done something forbidden and I wonder if he really always obeyed me as I assumed. Maybe he has done something forbidden? But I have never noticed any disorder and even if he was in my room as long as he leaves everything just like it should be it is I okay think.

No, this thought somehow makes me already furious.

What if he knows my secrets?

What does he really know about me, how much has he secretly seen of me?

I don't want anybody to know something of me which they are not supposed to know!

I furiously look at the mummy like Digimon and something strange then happens: he doesn't retreat, for the first time but looks at me only with his innocent yellow eye. Never before have I actually noticed that he only has one eye.

How much do I know of him? Is it worthwile to get to know him? What would it be like to open up myself to him? To share my pain of Hiroki's death with him?

I cannot! I cannot. I cannot. It would take to long to explain it to him, too long to make him understand what death actually is and how much Hiroki really meant to me.

Hiroki ... Hiroki ... I will fulfill the dream which has accompanied us both so long very soon...

And, no matter what it needs, I will do everything for this, even trust a voice which only I can hear.

Like in a trance I went to my room, my place, and my true home, most important place for me, because here I can make my most ardent wishes become reality.

I know that I often thoguth that there is no place for me on this world any longer, but here I am where I keep the last secrets of me stored. My self, my memories, my dreams. Here I make my dreams come true, mine and his. Here, one dream already became reality, so why not all others? This is why I love this place if there is anything that I can still love.

And yet this work is also like a curse. I can do nothing else any more and only live for that, something else simply does not exist for me any more. It's like a drug that I cannot get away from. And I turn on my computer, my main drug. I open up all the programs that I nned for the further processing of my won data from the last times. I call up the last scans of Mummymon and go through his sequence once again on the search for the anomaly which I have noticed recently and it doesn't last for long either until I finally have found it again.

My look falls on the fault in my calculations. No, I shouldn't describe this as a fault but more as a natural consequence. Because what else should a creature like Mummymon be either than half a human if I have used my own genetic sequences for his creation? But this would also mean that he has more than one form. But like every time, I still know not enough about him - because it is easier to create something, but so much more difficult to understand in all details what exactly one has done.

And I don't understand it, maybe the voice in me that I follow... maybe it understands much more than I consciously do.

I don't know how I want to find out if he has the ability to transform or how to ever control and confirm that. But if one could do this... then I could really fulfill at least one wish of his. I could allow him some form of freedom so that at least once in his life he could go outside.

Would I go with him?

Would this do me some good? Or would I see something that would break my heart again like in that night? Or will I be remembered of Hiroki once again only because the petal of a cherry blossom is blown towards me by the winds and lands in my open hand like so many years ago?

The computer whirrs, always further and deeply inside its processors it reads always the same numbers, zeros and ones, ones and zeros. And I can create so much from these two numbers.

Iis it like that to feel like God? But if I would be God, I would bring back YOU first... I know that as long as the computer works I can get a small break. I don't even want to, because I hate my humanity which means weakness, and a break always means a minus in the time that would be better invested in other things. And it is not even avoidable, at least not yet.

I furiously get up, against my thought to not let the computer alone to not give chance any chance to ruion my work in any way. And yet, while I stand up I can cal my useless creationg to me, because I need him here soon.

But when I go from the room, my look falls at Mummymon. His colossal shape in front of the chest of drawers with the back to me. I remark that he holds something in his hand.

And when the knowledge forms in my human brain, he turns round toward me, indicates the picture-frame in his hands and asks me: "Who are the two young people in this picture?"

Don't grasp me. Don't get close to me. Leave me alone. Leave me alone. It has got nothing to do with you. You aren't interested in it! My past isn't of interest for you! My motives are of no concern to you because all that counts is how I can use you! You are the means to an end.I have created you therefore you must obey me.

Why don't you do this? Why do you question me over such simple things? Why are you so nice to me? Why do you remind me of me myself?

Why do you remind me of Hiroki?

Why do you let my heart bleed even though I thought that I have no more heart? Even though I thought that I have already lost it? Why do you want to know who I am?

"LEAVE THIS PICTURE ALONE!" "But boss, I only want to know who this is? Is this you in this picture?"

"LEAVE THIS ALONE AND PUT IT DOWN!" I am so outraged I almost immediately want to throw myself at the Digimon, but Mummymon obeys me already and puts the picture-frame down again and ignoring my outburst of rage completely. But he puts the picture down on the wrong side as it should not be: The front visible, showing to me that which I don't want to see because it reminds me of so much pain. And yet I haven't been able to just throw away this picture, because there are also beautiful memories I associated with it. But they have got pale, of a bittersweet taste. They became like bitter almonds, fatally and as exactly these it feels like they can bring me death.

"Are you n the picture?"

Cherry blossoms. Cherry blossoms and I and Hiroki. We as little boys, with so many open possibilities ...

"Yes. I am this in the picture."

I remain quiet and expect the unavoidable question, knowing full well that I cannot avoid it because Mummymon likes to ask questions.

And it comes: "And who is the different one?"

I remain quiet. Can't answer him, but instead only look at him.

"Boss? Boss? What is with you?" I feel his touch, like from the distance, as if I were deaf. But his touch is warm and reality. His only golden eye looks at me full of sympathy and he adds: "Why do you look so sad? Has something bad happened?"

And I draw my arm of him back jerkily, get the picture and turn it around so that I don't have to look at it any more. I look at Mummymon with a dark face, not answering, even though a few seconds before I felt like shouting at him some more. I remain quiet before I bring myself to answer.

"That was... someone very close to me. A good friend, the only that I ever had in my life." "Friend? What is a friend?" "Someone who stands by your side when everyone else abandons you"I say as I turn around. I go back to my room, just to get away from this Digimon, when Mummymon puts a finger on his chin and says out loud what he thinks. "Then this means that I am also your friend because you are not alone anymore with me here, right?"

I stand still.

He is right, I am not alone any more. I have him. I have made him, because I wanted to escape loneliness and I still cannot open up myself to him.

But, friend? He should stop thinking about it like that. He cannot be a friend if he is only a Digimon! I laugh briefly, but it gets stuck in my throat when I notice tears in the corner of my eyes. It's fortunate he doesn't seem to notice. I wipe them away quickly, before I put on an unimportant face again so that he doesn't notice. I inwardly curse myself for this weakness, that I even allowed myself this weak moment and the voice within me agrees with me.

I don't go on on this statement one but devote myself again to the work.

"Mummymon ... perhaps you will see the world out there one day ", I begin and Mummymon looks up interestedly. "How you mean this,boss?" I turn round only slowly before I tell him what my theory is. "Because I think that the anomaly I found within you will make it possible for you." have for you found this one at you because I think that the Anomalie will make this possible."

And a smile appears on my face at the thought of Mummymon being under normal humans unnoticed.

Like I never can be. Because I cannot be close to anybody, not even the creature I myself created. How ironic is that?

My heart, it bleeds still because the wounds are still fresh.

Maybe, one day... I will go outside and see the world together with Mummymon. But I will never fully belong to it, I will only look at it like an outsider, just like with the Digital World. Where do I belong to? Where does my heart belong to?

In the end to the only friend I ever had, Hiroki.

My lonesome bleeding heart ... with a hole which can be filled by nobody,not even Mummymon.


End file.
